Tag Archives: romance

September 26, 2012 · 6:00 am

Are You in the 53%?

Before I begin my post, I need your help!! I still haven’t heard from a couple of my winners of last week’s Bright Side Blog Bash. If you are connected in some social media or real life way to Dawn Kelley or Heidi Blankenship, please please please let them know to contact me!

Thanks!

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I’m so not a celebrity stalker. In fact, I pretty much couldn’t care less who is going out with whom in Hollywood or who is or isn’t breaking up this week.

Mostly it’s because I give all celebrity relationships a 1% chance of making it for a lifetime.

When the divorce rate among “regular” people is over 50%, I find it hard to believe that those living in the spotlight, in the culture of madness that is Hollywood, can keep their wits about them long enough to make a real relationship work.

When the news came out that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson, I thought, “I’m so not surprised.” I was only surprised that they made it as long as they did. (Of course, they aren’t married. I know.)

Katy Perry divorcing Russell Brand? That’s not a shock, is it? Really?

Mel Gibson has a love child with some Russian woman? I have to admit that that one made me sad. I had always hoped that ole Mel was one of the good guys. But clearly he’s shown us just what a weirdo he is.

And what about Arnold and Maria? Married forever. One of the ones that might last. And then we find out that he, too, has a love child. One he’s been hiding for a long time. Marriage over.

Tom and Katie? If you thought that one would last, I have some beach-front property in Kansas I’d like to sell you.

Don’t even get me started on Brad Pitt. He cheats on Jennifer Anniston with Angelina Jolie and the whole world excuses it.

Sigh.

I imagine that there is added pressure when you live in the spotlight. The masses expect perfection– and they devour failure.

The public loves a good celebrity divorce because the public wants to think that they are better than celebrities.

But “the public” is not.

I saw a statistic the other day that blew my mind. Did you know that 53% of Christians would have an affair if given the opportunity?

That’s not 53% of people, folks. That’s 53% of the populous who identifies themselves as CHRISTIANS.

And like many of you, I know Christians in that 53% who have acted on that opportunity and in the process, destroyed their families. Some are repentant about it. Many aren’t.

Marriage seems to be an in-and-out status change, one that’s as easy to create or destroy as a simple click on Facebook.

But marriage is hard work. Work that most people aren’t willing to put time and energy into.

Especially those time-strapped, blinded celebrities.

So put yourself in the spotlight right now. Imagine someone is waiting for you in the bushes outside, trying to snap photos of you and your spouse.

Will those paparazzi get the shots they most want– the photos of a failing marriage? Shots of you fighting? Photos of you passing in silence? Photos of you living two separate lives within one marriage? Photos of you making everything in your life more important than your spouse? How about photos of your children caught in the middle of a dying family?

Or will they get the shots they can’t sell– the ones of a couple who makes time for one another? The photos of a couple who puts Christ in the center of their marriage and family? Pictures of an imperfect couple making it work, one day at a time by focusing on what’s good in their lives, instead of what’s bad?

What photos will those paparazzi get of you today?

Share with me: Do you have a favorite celebrity couple?

12 Comments

Filed under Marriage, Romance

Tagged as celebrity couples, marriage, paparazzi, romance

June 22, 2012 · 6:00 am

If Beauty Is In the Eye of the Beholder, We’re In Trouble

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

We’ve heard it and said it a zillion times.

We talk about how important it is for all people, not just Christians, to keep from judging one another. We live in a world of political correctness where all are supposed to be equal. We fight for respect and acceptance.

But not for ourselves. It seems we can’t grant ourselves the very thing we fight to give everyone else.

Why is it that we can train ourselves to refrain from judging others, but when it comes to what we see in the mirror, we’re our own worst critics?

I recently read a post on marriage and sex on Sheila Gregoire’s blog, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, that made me pause.

(By the way, if you aren’t familiar with her blog, you should get familiar. I think it’s excellent.)

She did a series of posts promoting her new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, and it she delved into the problem that many women face in the bedroom–accepting their own bodies.

I think I have half-decent self-esteem. I’m okay with myself and the body God gave me. Sometimes. On a good day.

So I was shocked when the challenge on Sheila’s blog that day stumped me.

The challenge was to name five things about your body that you really, truly like.

I couldn’t do it.

I venture to say that there are a very, very small number of women on the planet that can do it, and I’d also guess that most of them aren’t supermodels.

Five. Five things about your body that you can celebrate and be proud of. And things that come in sets don’t count as two.

I’m right there with the majority of women who engage in an unhealthy amount of self-loathing every time they look in the mirror.

And that self-loathing is destroying our relationships–both with our spouses and with other women.

We don’t like what we see in the mirror. We don’t like what genetics, babies, time, and development have done to our bodies. We can’t accept the skin we’ve been given. We want to look like someone else.

We live in a society where beauty is emphasized over character. And that’s so, so messed up.

So, what do we do about it?

Some women turn into recluses, covering themselves from head to toe, hiding. They over-compensate for their looks by drawing attention away from them–covering up, or on the other side, distracting from their looks with funny faces, wild personalities, crazy antics. Then there are those who take matters into their own hands and seek medical correction for the “flaws” they see. Still others, try to “correct” their problems with too much exercise and too little food.

Don’t get me wrong– I think being healthy is incredibly important.

But I don’t think any of these actions are healthy.

I think healthy begins with acceptance. And acceptance begins with learning to like what we see in the mirror, no matter what size, shape, or color we are.

I’m challenging myself and now I challenge you.

Share with me: Can you name five things about your body that you really, truly like?

20 Comments

Filed under Marriage, Romance

Tagged as marriage, romance, self-esteem, self-image, sex, women

April 11, 2012 · 6:00 am

“Mommy Porn”– The Answer for The Desperate Housewife?

I’m taking on a heavy topic today, folks. One that’s serious. Some might say that as a Christian writer I should stay away from such a topic, but I think differently. There’s a growing trend in publishing that can’t be ignored. We’re losing readers, faith-based writers! We need to figure out why and what we can do to encourage readers to pass by the books they’re choosing and choose ours instead. It’s a timeless battle, but one that’s come to the forefront with the emergence of new technologies.

I’m talking desperate housewives– not the TV show, but the real women. The ones who are, according to our society, unhappy and unfulfilled at home. And how do they find happiness and fulfillment? Sex. Just ask any one of the very promiscuous characters on said TV show. Or the studies that show that unhappy homemakers are increasingly turning toward gratification in the form of fiction.

Welcome to the digital age– the age of eBooks, huge increases in self-publishing, and the rapidly growing markets of fan fiction and erotica.

The numbers of straight-to-eBook self-pubbed erotic novels are apparently attracting huge numbers of women, so say the number crunchers.

Why? Because it’s easier for women to hide their “guilty” pleasures now–they can download them straight to the eReader of choice. No more public judgement from cashiers at the bookstore or hiding a saucy cover from curious eyes.

Don’t believe me? Here’s just one of the gazillion articles that’s been published recently about this surge in numbers.

We aren’t talking about light romance here, either. No Nicholas Sparks story where the couple might end up in bed together but the details are left to the imagination. Nope, we’re talking about a serious, descriptive, pornographic novel that leaves very little to the imagination.

But what’s the attraction? Why are women drawn to these stories? It’s not the stellar narrative, because stellar narrative and craft aren’t what these authors are going for.

Take Fifty Shades of Grey for example: Started as Twilight fan fiction. Self-pubbed eBook trilogy. Drew huge numbers. Contracted for world-wide printed and eBook release. Sold movie rights. Considered a phenomenon. Erotic fiction based on some fantasy about a restricted college student and a billionaire with fetish for abusive sexual exploits. Rave reviews from swooning readers, negative reviews from other authors, critics, and industry leaders for lack-luster writing and weaknesses in all areas.

Yeah, I haven’t read these books. I have no desire to do so. But I have read several articles about the books because I’m curious about the label given to them and books like them– Mommy Porn.

According to analysts, women, specifically “mommies” between the ages of 20-45, are eating these books up– using them the same way a man might use porn– to create sexual fantasies.

And since it’s my blog and I can be honest, I have to tell you– this phenomenon really, really disturbs me.

As if we needed more reasons for marriages to fail, for women to feel devalued, for women to forget and ignore the very reasons for which they were created, more reasons to create negative views on what sex is and how it is to be treated in a loving, Christ-centered relationship.

As if the “world” needed more ammunition against the institution of marriage.

As if teens and young people needed more ammunition against the very idea of a healthy relationship that could lead to marriage.

Yeah, I look at this whole phenomenon as an attack on marriage and positive relationships between men and women. Here’s yet another example of how we, as a society, are valuing sex over everything else in a relationship.

It’s been this way since the dawn of time. As a history teacher I can tell you honestly that nothing makes the world go ’round like sex, money, and religion. And sometimes you can combine all three and discover that they are behind some of the world’s greatest events and most powerful people.

It’s a war long waged. And it seems like it’s taking down some of the ones who had been able to avoid it before. Now, thanks to eReaders, any shame is hidden, so more women are indulging.

And what is this indulgence doing?

Creating an unrealistic view of sex in a relationship. For a long time, many have argued that romantic fiction creates an unrealistic view of “happily ever after” and actually harms relationships by giving women an unrealistic view of men. Although I don’t agree with that argument, I do think that erotic fiction is dangerous– it gives women a view of sex as completely the opposite of what it should be, as it was created by the Creator.
Reinforcing the idea that sex outside of marriage is acceptable, even encouraged. We should be instilling in our young people the idea that sex is perfect within a marriage only, as it was designed. How can we do that when parents (“mommies”) don’t believe it?
Encouraging women to “sleep around” to find the right guy. We have enough of this in our society as it is.
Encouraging women to believe that they are sex objects before anything else. If “Mr. Right” in the book is only right because of how he performs in the bedroom, something is very, very wrong.
Encouraging women to fantasize sexually about someone other than her husband.
Opening the door to sexual addictions, no different than an addiction that someone might have to pornographic photographs.
Putting the emphasis of the relationship on sex. Again, we have enough of this in our society as it is.

I have more thoughts on this topic which will make themselves known in future posts, like how we as faith-based writers can combat this growing phenomenon, but for now, I want your thoughts.

Share with me: What do you think the “Mommy Porn” phenomenon is about? Why are women drawn to these erotic books? Are housewives really so desperate?