Apparently I was unprepared to be the mother of boys.
Since my oldest is 5 and a half, you’d think that I’d have gotten the hang of it by now, but clearly, every day is an adventure.
The weird thing is, the more I learn about being the mother of boys, the more I learn to understand my husband.
I know that might sound nuts, but things I’m learning about my children’s development help me have those “ah-ha!” moments about the Super-hubby.
For example, it’s pretty much a given that when I pick my son up from school and greet him with, “how was your day?” I’m going to get this response: “Fine.”
No matter how many specific questions I ask him, I get brief, detail-less responses. It takes the rest of the day for him to slowly reveal the details of the school day.
One day I picked him up and got the standard responses, only to find out about three hours later that the fire truck had come to his school and his class had gone outside to talk to the firefighters and climb on and explore the truck. He said it was the coolest part of his day.
Had he been female, I’m pretty sure he would have told me that detail immediately upon entering the car at the pickup line, especially after I asked, “what’s the coolest part of your day?”
So I’ve really seen how a male brain processes–girls want to divulge details quickly. Boys are a little slower, and details aren’t always necessary.
I’m not always going to get to know what my son had for snack at school that day. It’s not relevant to his immediate need to communicate with me, therefore it’s a detail that goes unspoken.
My hubby operates similarly. It sometimes takes days for him to “remember” some detail of something he wanted to tell me. Like his co-worker is expecting a new baby, for example. Not relevant to his immediate life, therefore it took days for me to find out.
The other thing about boys that I’m having to simply accept is that they are gross. Seriously gross.
They find bodily functions hilarious. What’s up with that??
It doesn’t matter how many times I demand manners or beg for them to stop and act like gentlemen, passing gas is funny to a boy.
My two year old has decided that using “dirty” words is funny. Stinky, gross, smelly, do-do, wee-wee, and dirt are some of his favorites. (These are the dirtiest he can think of, apparently.) And when he really wants to crack himself up, he goes around shouting “Lady GaGa!” Go figure. We’re not fans of hers, so I’ll lump her in with the “dirty” words.
I don’t get it. I don’t get the whole hilarity of bodily functions. It’s one of the things I wonder if I’ll ever get used to. I expect them to have proper behavior in public, but I’m never guaranteed of such things.
In our house, we call passing gas, “a beep.” Silly as that may be, my five year old came up with that when he was tiny and told me one day that his “bottom beeped.”
A few weeks ago I was out shopping with the two year old when an older gentleman stopped us in the parking lot. He said something like, “What a fine looking young man you have!”
“Thank you,” I replied.
The man held out his hand for my youngest to shake and said, “What’s your name, son?”
My little man stuck his hand out and said plainly, “My name is Beeps!” Then he dissolved into giggles.
I had to explain that my son’s name was not Beeps, but I didn’t bother to explain why my little guy had spontaneously decided to introduce himself as such. *sigh*
I’ll continue to expect proper manners, but I think being gross is built into their DNA. I don’t think a man ever outgrows finding certain things funny. Yep, hubby is guilty as charged. *sigh again*
And lastly–boys are insane.
Bodily harm is never a deterrent for them when an adventure is to be had.
Whether it’s climbing the tallest “mountain” in our house (a dresser) or seeing if they can actually jump from the coffee table onto the couch, or seeing how long they can last while shooting each other with nerf darts, a challenge is a challenge, and must be accepted.
We’ve already made a few trips to emergency care. So far we’ve only had a few stitches, but no doubt a broken bone won’t be far off. *double sigh*
And Super-hubby can often be found right in the thick of whatever adventure is being had. I have a “look” I give him when he’s too excited about something that is dangerous. Like blowing up tomatoes with M-80s. Not an adventure I’ll ever be ready for my boys to have.
*I’m tired already.*
Share with me: Mothers of boys–what have you learned about raising sons? Any handy advice? Any crazy stories?
Hale and Hearty Words 
I'd like to argue with this post … but I can't. You are right.
This is so true! I have a daughter and some days I want to say, "ok thank you I've heard enough." but I'm glad she shares even if it's minute by minute. My son is just like yours! His day is fine, even on the first day of school and finally after asking him several questions to pull it out he said,"Could you stop asking all the questions already?" lol Sigh. I think it's funny you call them beeps!! LOL
Just the other day a friend asked me how I was able to write convincingly from the male point of view. My answer: "I have two sons." Seriously. Like you, I find my sons give me better insight into my husband and the male mindset. They are absolutely non-verbal, gross, and insane. And deeply caring, funny, and protective. And yes, they love explosions.
God knew I needed girls! Just reading your post made me exhausted!
I'm tired just reading it!Ha!I'm blessed with a very sweet girly -girl (not sure how that happened) 4yr old. #2 is an 11month old boy. Already I can see that streak of fearlessness in him, especially since he just started walking. I'd never thought that it might make me understand my hubby better. Thanks for the info!A friend of mine had boys the first 3. He's been quoted as being glad because with girls you have to worry about all the boys in the whole world, but with a boy you only have to worry about that one!Since I have both, we'll see!
Great post, Jenny! I agree 100%! I tell everyone I actually have three boys, it just so happens one is 36. I watched the three of them wrestling today and gave my husband the "okay let's not destroy the Christmas tree by falling into it" look myself. Andrew is the same way when I pick him up. I ask how his day was and I get "fine". I say anything fun or interesting happen? I get "no". Then later things will start come out. The other day my four year old decided to call our church choir director "poot master". So we had the talk about what is appropriate to talk about in front of others and what isn't. My six and four year old about ran me out of the van the other day with their odor to which I eventually just had to hold my breath in between laughs. Fortunately, I was only about five minutes from home. My youngest used to get very excited about the size of his poo poo in the toilet and you had to go and look at it while my six year old found it great fun to climb up in my bed first thing in the morning, naked from the waist down, and put his behind in my face so I could see if he wiped it good enough. So, I completely understand!!! But, I love having boys and wouldn't trade them for the world. I tell people all the time I have no idea what I would even do with a girl. Girls are harder to dress and tend to be a little more dramatic about things. 🙂 I love that my boys are silly, daring, love their mama and are full of life. One of my favorite things is seeing their daddy be a little boy again every time he is with them. 🙂
My son is three, and he already thinks gross stuff is hilarious. I'm in for a lot of fun!
I am pretty sure you were inside my head a little bit when you were writing this post. Boys are insane. The insanity of each day with two boys (well three if you count the hubby) still astounds me. As much as I love my boys, please pray I have a girl next. I think I am gonna need someone to talk to everyday when I am old and gray.
so glad i had my little girl as our firstborn! not that i'm planning on anymore (in fact, we're dead set against it), but had i had a boy, i would have to keep trying for a girl. and for the record, a "beep" is adorable. we alternatively call them farts and toots over here. not very ladylike, i know, but she, too, will dissolve into giggles. which makes me laugh, too. *sigh* kiddos.