The Last Time You Had A First Kiss

The kiss. The magical moment when emotional entanglement becomes physical reality.

It’s intimate. It’s precious. It’s delightful. To most people, kisses are an indication of “I way more than like you.”

Books, movies, TV characters– Who doesn’t love the sigh at the release of tension when two people finally end up in the kiss you’ve been cheering them toward?

I was reading a book just the other day (thanks, Beth Vogt) where I was literally talking to the characters on the page. “Kiss her, you idiot!” 🙂 And when it happened, I was so, so happy.

My true first kiss occurred when I was 14. It was horrible. I’d rather block it out of my memory for all time and eternity. In fact, I almost have. It was none of the things described above, mostly because the teenage boy on the other end of the kiss was a total goon whom I barely knew. Ick. Let’s move on.

Thankfully I’ve had other first kisses. Some of them are still really important memories.

It was late–close to my curfew of midnight. I was nineteen, living with my parents, a freshman in college.

I’d just moved home from being away from school for a semester. I was fighting a chronic illness. I met a boy. He made me laugh. And it didn’t hurt that I thought he was super cute. He asked me out. We went to dinner and a movie on our first date. We went to see Collective Soul in concert in Atlanta for our second.

I didn’t let him kiss me on that first date. Apparently he tried on the second and I was either too naive or too absorbed in the concert to notice. (I’m going with being blonde and not noticing. I wasn’t new to being kissed.) By the third date I was way into this dude and I knew 2 things: 1. I definitely wanted him to kiss me. 2. He was The One.

Anyway, we were standing by the front door of my parent’s house chatting, killing time until that this is it moment. My “you’ll-appreciate-what-a-good-parent-I-am-someday” mother had already flashed the porch lights once; a warning that I needed to come in. I was just about to give up and head inside when it finally happened–he kissed me.

That was the last time I had a real first kiss. And it came from the man who is now my husband.

I remember all those feelings I had before “the moment”. The anticipation. The excitement. The truth that I really, really wanted him to kiss me. Thinking that if he didn’t, it probably didn’t bode well for future dates. And then when it happened, the sheer giddiness of knowing that he liked me enough to kiss me.

I’ll never forget that kiss.

It was late afternoon. I was dressed in white, surrounded by a zillion of my closest friends and family, in front of a minister who closely resembled an Oopma Loompa because of too many trips to the tanning bed. The previous few months of life had been chaos. I had finally had surgery to remove the tumor from my pituitary gland that had been the cause of my chronic illness over the previous three years. What’s more, I’d spend months in preparation for this moment. And it wasn’t perfect. But I no longer cared.

The pastor barely knew us. During the required counseling sessions before the big day, he’d insinuated that my guy and I weren’t a good match. I was not a fan of this pastor, but it was too late. We’d been attending the church for a year and a half and until our two-on-one time with him, thought he was a nice guy. And then he went and did it. The one-two punch to our wedding ceremony.

He read a terrible, horrible, awful poem AND he refused to say “you may kiss the bride”.

In that awkward moment of silence when I’m starting to feel beads of sweat because it’s my day and I don’t know what’s happening and the people in the church are starting to wonder, “isn’t this the part where the pastor tells the groom to kiss the bride?”, the man I was marrying took care of it. My hero. It came right after he wiped a happy “so-what-if-it-isn’t-perfect” tear from my cheek and made every woman in the church swoon. It was a sweet kiss. The kind that says, “you’re mine.” And we didn’t need a too-orange man to tell us that it was permissible.

I was a wife. Even though we’d shared plenty of kisses between our first and the one on our wedding day, it was the first kiss I shared with a man I could call my husband.

I’ll never forget that kiss.

But eleven years, two kids and a very hectic schedule later, there are days when the closest we get to a kiss is a peck on the cheek as one of us is running out the door.

You know how it is–after building a life together, you realize that some of the “magic” has been lost in the relationship. Some of the anticipation and excitement is gone. There’s no more mystery. You’re just too busy to worry about daily romance.

Yes, I said daily romance.

Want to get some of that spark back?

Have a first kiss.

How’s that possible, you might ask?

Everyday presents the opportunity for a first kiss. Not with a new partner each time–no, no. That’s not what I mean.

I’m talking about finding a reason to make your husband, wife or significant other feel special by initiating a “first” kiss.

Not a peck. Not a “see ya” swipe. Not accompanied by a list of tasks he or she needs to accomplish. No, I’m talking about a kiss that resembles the ones that are seared into your memory.

Tips for initiating a “first” kiss everyday:

  • Be intentional. Our favorite romance characters don’t kiss for no reason. Real kisses have real intentions behind them.
  • Devote more than 2 seconds to the action. A good kiss takes some time. A peck just ain’t gonna do it.
  • Don’t talk about it. Not before, not after. Just let it be what it is. You’ll kill the magic if you walk up to your spouse with a speech prepared. If you must say something, let it be “I’m going to kiss you now.” Then boom.
  • Don’t follow it up with other intimate actions. Again, just let the kiss be what it is. Kiss, walk away. Kisses are intimate enough as it is. Walking away from a good kiss will guarantee that your spouse will be thinking about you for the rest of the day.
  • Make the timing random. Don’t wait until your spouse is walking out the door or they expect some sort of physical touch from you. Catch him or her off guard. Sometimes the surprise of it can bring back some of that excitement.
  • Don’t look for a reason. Romance is about not having a reason other than your love. You don’t need a reason to let your spouse know how much you care.
  • Don’t expect to be kissed back. If it’s been a while since your last first kiss, it might take a few new “first” kisses for your spouse to realize that you’re being intentional. When that realization comes, though, I can guarantee you’ll see results of your intentional affection when that affection is returned.

Follow these tips for having a “first” kiss everyday and you might discover that your actions will quickly rekindle some of the excitement and anticipation of the early days of first kisses with your spouse.

Share with me: Who has the worst/best first kiss story or memory?


Filed under Marriage, Romance

23 responses to “The Last Time You Had A First Kiss

  1. juliejarnagin

    Aw! Love this!

  2. Jennifer: I talk to my characters too. And I wanted Daniel to kiss Allison too … believe me. But the wait made the kiss all the sweeter, didn’t it?
    Loved this post for so, so many reasons! Will be posting it on my author FB page where I like to talk about romance.
    I can still remember my first kiss with my husband. We were standing outside, underneath a street light. And he leaned toward me and kissed me. He didn’t wrap his arms around me or anything — just kissed me.
    And I thought, “Oh, my gosh, I could kiss this guy forever.”
    And here I am, years later … and I’ve never kissed another man since that first kiss.

  3. So sweet. I loved my first kiss with my man. He waited until we’d been dating a year to kiss me. Talk about anticipation! But he’d always said he didn’t want to kiss me until he could say I love you, and he didn’t want to say I love you until he knew he was going to propose–and soon. He proposed one week later. 🙂 It was perfect.

  4. jessicarpatch

    Ah, this was a perfect post! 🙂 I remember my last first kiss! It was saucy!LOL

  5. Aw! How sweet this post was. =)

    It is so fun to shout at the TV or the characters in the book you are reading, isn’t it!? Some viewers / readers claim that it “ruins” it when a will-they-or-won’t-they tension is broken, but I usually root for that. One of my favorite shows is “Castle,” and I am like, “really? Can’t you just admit you love each other already!?”

  6. evangelinedenmark

    I loved this post! I love that you’re celebrating something that’s overlooked in our all-the-way culture. And thanks for the tips on how to add some new first kisses to my busy wife and mom routine.

  7. jeanniecampbell

    i might be a contender for the worst first kiss. i was 22, dating a 30-year-old Dennis Quaid look alike. i mean, i was the bomb at church having snagged this guy. took forever for us to actually have a date, b/c i was going by The Rules (very fun book, btw) and he was supposed to ask in advance. finally, we were able to have a dinner and movie date twice. for the third date, he was ready for his move. i was psyched. i mean, dennis quaid look alike (back when dennis quaid wasn’t old). he walked me to my apartment and came inside (which was unexpected, but okay) since i wasn’t going to see him for a few weeks since it was christmas break and i was living in macon, ga, living on campus at the Baptist Student Union as their student intern. anyway, he kissed me….and it was worst than horrific. his mouth was so wet, it was like a fish. seriously. when he left, i went to the bathroom and wiped at my chin. the disappointment was keen. the scales fell off my eyes at that point, b/c no matter how good looking the guy is, if he can’t kiss, then that’s a problem. poor guy. i don’t think he’s married still, and he must be 41 or so now. still attractive, of course….but kisses like a fish. ugh.

    love your post. i like to surprise my man in the kitchen with a full-on, minute-long kiss or so…just enough to get him riled up for later. 🙂

  8. Pingback: Talking Romance with Katie Ganshert | Keli Gwyn's Blog

  9. jennifermmajor

    Worst First Kiss That Involved The Police: I was umm, a somewhat of a duckling in high school. Okay, I was a dorky, unfashionable DUCK. I met a tall gorgeous guy at a youth event and for some reason, he found me less than duck-ish. We hung out for a while went on a few dates. But, the guy chose my back yard for the epic first kiss. My first kiss EVER. And why broad daylight was more romantic, I will never know. So, we’re in my well lit back yard on a rainy day (I”m from Vancouver) and Not Ugly Guy wraps his albatross arms around me and goes for the gold. I wore thick Hubble telescope glasses at the time. As he is plastering his liquid DNA all over my face (and down my throat! EWWW!) I opened my eyes and saw his taste buds roaming the lenses of my glasses.The next words out of his mouth were regarding our marriage. I was 17 and a junior in high school.
    ‘Twas that very moment that an imminent break-up was planned. That night I called him and reverted to my happy life of singleness. He went out his front door, stole a car and got arrested 400 miles later.

    My husband is awesome. I’ll leave it at that. 😉

  10. Becky Doughty

    Sigh…. Kissing. 🙂

    I think it’s more intimate than sex. Am I allowed to say that on here? Don’t get me wrong – sex is wonderful, especially with a man who calls me “My Beauty” and means it after 24 years!, but it often just happens without intentionally going out of our way to bring it about. REALLY GOOD KISSING, though, that REQUIRES engagement. That requires intention. That requires me setting aside me and becoming one with him on a whole new level.

    TMI? Oh well, Absolutely love this – thanks to Katie Ganshert and Keli Gwyn for sending their readers here!

    Let’s keep the romance alive!

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