Category Archives: Romance

Her Hand in Marriage

Our ideas of what is romantic have certainly changed over the past few decades.

Our ideas about relationships and marriage have changed, too. Yet somehow, even as our world morphs into a place where fewer and fewer couples choose to marry and those who do are facing increased rates of divorce, when it comes to marriage, our culture clings to some things that are tradition.

The man asks the woman.

The white dress.

The bachelor party.

The down-on-one-knee proposal.

And Daddy’s permission.

I was watching an episode of a TV show not too long ago where one of the characters proposed to his girlfriend. She said yes, but when she realized he had not yet asked her father for permission for her hand in marriage, she told him that she could not give him an “official” yes until he did so.

Returning home, the man asked his brother, “Did you know people still did that? The whole, ‘ask the dad thing’?”

The brother replied: “Of course. What society have you been living in?”

And what society do we live in? Most of the time it appears that we, as a society, have moved past the things of tradition to a more contemporary mix of “whatever works.”

For the most part, anything is acceptable. We might call different “eclectic,” but in our P.C. world, who’s to judge, right?

But as I watched the show, I found it odd that a man who had an openly sexual relationship with an independent woman (as expected by the other characters), was suddenly being chastised for not following the “rules” by speaking to the woman’s father about marrying his daughter.

Is that a mix of the modern and the traditional? Can that mix survive in today’s world?

For decades women have fought long and hard to been seen as equal, independent, and fully capable of making their own decisions.

So, does Daddy even have his daughter’s hand to give in marriage? Or is her hand now her own, according to the feminists?

Our society seems to be sending mixed signals– woman is fiercely independent, able to survive without a man, yet still wants love of her life to confer with father over future of her life.

The whole thing left me scratching my head.

Share with Me: What do you think about this? Is Daddy’s permission still required for marriage? Should it be? Is it possible to mix the traditional and the modern and have it work?

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The First Time I Fell in Love

I was listening to the Adult Contemporary station on the Sirius XM radio this morning and the song “All For Love” by Bryan Adams, Sting, and Rod Stewart came on.  Immediately I was transported back to 1993 and the first time I fell in love.

And when I say I fell in love, I mean it.  I fell hard.  I went to see the movie “The Three Musketeers.”  You remember it.  It starred a pre-psychotic break Charlie Sheen, pre-superhuman government agent Kiefer Sutherland, a not-so-much smaller than he is now Oliver Platt, and the first man I ever loved, Chris O’Donnell.  *Dreamy Sigh*

In all of my 13 years, I had never seen a man so wonderful, handsome, charming, and utterly amazing as Chris O’Donnell was to me the first time I saw the film.  Oh, I’d had several TV crushes before, but nothing compared to the heart-fluttering, knee weakening, butterflied stomach feeling he gave me.  I saw the movie in the theater 4 times.  I cut his pictures out of those teen magazines and taped them to my closet door.  And according to my mother, I wrote him a letter.  (I don’t remember that though- I think my adult self has chosen to block that out.  The rest of it is enough humiliation.)  And “All For Love” became “our” song. I bought the movie as soon as it was released (yes, I still have the VHS I purchased).  I remember staring at those pictures of him thinking that if he could just meet me, he’d be so amazed at how awesome I was.  I didn’t factor in my crazy-stalker behavior or the fact that he was in his 20s.  None of that mattered.  All that mattered was that I was hopelessly in love.  Don’t ask me to explain it.  It defies explanation.

As the years passed I found many more celebrities to crush on, but I’ll always think fondly of Chris.  Believe it or not, I don’t even watch NCIS (is that the show he’s on now?), nor do I purposefully see a movie because he’s in it.  But I’ll always remember that he was my first love.

I think that’s what I find so fun about writing romantic fiction.  With each story I get to recall those feelings of excitement that come with new love.  I get to feel those butterflies, experience the weak knees, and sigh over the pure cheesy romance of it when the spark happens between my characters.

There’s nothing as wonderful as being in a committed, loving relationship (y’all know I’m very happily married), but there’s a little rush of joy that comes with writing about people falling in love for the first time.  And if I need inspiration, I’ll listen to “All for Love” and think of my favorite D’Artagnan. 

Who was your first love?

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