Tag Archives: wedding

Hard to Find Happy Endings

Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after 72 days of marriage.

I know, I know. Let me give you a moment to weep. (Sarcasm…)

Who didn’t see this coming? I mean, really?

I won’t get off on a tangent about the Kardashians and how I think they contribute to the degradation of society, and that those who watch/emulate/admire said persons and those like them are complete and utter morons. No, I won’t go there.

Instead, I’ll point out that once again, the sanctity of marriage has been spat upon.

Happily ever after is subject to “happily until I’m not happy anymore.” Vows mean nothing. Vows are a joke.

And let’s just be honest–irreconcilable differences is a phrase used for those who don’t want to be honest about why they’re really getting divorced.

So, some questions for you.

Share with me: 

1. Should it be more difficult to get married? Meaning, should we impose requirements, like pre-marital counseling for all couples? Should getting a marriage license be more difficult?
2. Should divorce laws be stricter? If so, how can we make them stricter?
3. Should “irreconcilable differences” be removed from reasons for divorce?


Filed under Marriage, Writing

Her Hand in Marriage

Our ideas of what is romantic have certainly changed over the past few decades.

Our ideas about relationships and marriage have changed, too. Yet somehow, even as our world morphs into a place where fewer and fewer couples choose to marry and those who do are facing increased rates of divorce, when it comes to marriage, our culture clings to some things that are tradition.

The man asks the woman.

The white dress.

The bachelor party.

The down-on-one-knee proposal.

And Daddy’s permission.

I was watching an episode of a TV show not too long ago where one of the characters proposed to his girlfriend. She said yes, but when she realized he had not yet asked her father for permission for her hand in marriage, she told him that she could not give him an “official” yes until he did so.

Returning home, the man asked his brother, “Did you know people still did that? The whole, ‘ask the dad thing’?”

The brother replied: “Of course. What society have you been living in?”

And what society do we live in? Most of the time it appears that we, as a society, have moved past the things of tradition to a more contemporary mix of “whatever works.”

For the most part, anything is acceptable. We might call different “eclectic,” but in our P.C. world, who’s to judge, right?

But as I watched the show, I found it odd that a man who had an openly sexual relationship with an independent woman (as expected by the other characters), was suddenly being chastised for not following the “rules” by speaking to the woman’s father about marrying his daughter.

Is that a mix of the modern and the traditional? Can that mix survive in today’s world?

For decades women have fought long and hard to been seen as equal, independent, and fully capable of making their own decisions.

So, does Daddy even have his daughter’s hand to give in marriage? Or is her hand now her own, according to the feminists?

Our society seems to be sending mixed signals– woman is fiercely independent, able to survive without a man, yet still wants love of her life to confer with father over future of her life.

The whole thing left me scratching my head.

Share with Me: What do you think about this? Is Daddy’s permission still required for marriage? Should it be? Is it possible to mix the traditional and the modern and have it work?


Filed under Romance

Happily Ever Irreconcilable Differences

I remember parts of that day as though it happened only hours ago.  I remember that it was a sticky-humid late spring day in Georgia, which means that the thunderclouds were rolling in just in time for the wedding to begin.  I remember how excited I was to be getting married.  I remember that my stomach was in knots because I still wasn’t sure that my parents were 100% on board with the whole idea, because my idea of exerting my independence was to get married, yet they were supporting me.  I remember being the “good” kind of nervous.  I remember bits and pieces of the ceremony and reception vividly, but truthfully, the whole thing went by so quickly that all I really remember was the feeling of pride- I was so proud of myself for getting through the whole day without once thinking that I acted like an idiot.

And when the wedding was over, the marriage began.  The excitement of being married eventually segued into the reality of being married.  Times were fun, times were hard.  I learned about many of  my husband’s…idiosyncrasies and he learned about mine (although I prefer to call them perfection-isms).  I learned about what it’s like to live together and share everything.  I learned that he just might be OCD, but only about certain things.  I learned what meals were his favorite.  I learned how to fit with his family, and he learned how to fit with mine.

And together we learned all about our irreconcilable differences.  He’s a night owl and I am totally a morning person.  He likes to eat processed food- Vienna sausages, squeeze-e-cheese, meat sticks.  I like fresh fruit and vegetables.  He won’t go to the doctor unless he’s close to death.  I have regular check-ups.  He doesn’t like to balance the checkbook.  I have to know where every single penny is going.  He is more spontaneous, while I’m a planner.  He doesn’t sing; I sing ALL the time.  He avoids conflict to the point of causing problems while I face it head on- to the point of causing problems.  He loves cats.  I hate cats.  I love mushrooms and he won’t touch them.  His car is full of cups, trash, clothes, and stuff from work.  I keep mine cleaned out regularly.  He can run miles and not break a sweat; I love to exercise but hate to run.  He’s obsessed with watching TV in HD, while picture quality has no bearing on my TV enjoyment.  He forgets to put the trash by the road about 80% of the time, and I have no trouble remembering trash day.  And as our children grow and mature, we discover other ways in which my hubby and I are different.  Want to guess who has to be “Bad Cop” the majority of the time?

But divorce has never been an option for us.  We decided before we married that divorce would never enter our marriage vocabulary, and although we’ve had our share of “trouble” spots, never have we actually considered ending our marriage.  (Okay, to be honest, there was one time when I bluffed leaving. His cat was having urinary tract problems and decided to have them only on my belongings.  That cat hated me, and I was not fond of it.  Although the cat had been part of my husband’s life since he was 11, I told him that it was me or the cat.  Yay for me.  An ultimatum.  So my hubby went into the attic and got a suitcase down and gave it to me.  Yeah, you could call that a backfire.  And so I continued to put up with the cat until two years later when the poor thing finally died.)  I am so grateful that we have the kind of marriage that is built on this philosophy of “divorce is not an option.”  We trust each other, we pray together, we can talk to each other (sometimes loudly.  To borrow a phrase from my aunt, it’s ‘Intense Fellowship’), and we both know how to apologize when we are wrong.  Yes, ladies, I suppose I’m just lucky enough to have snagged Mr. Perfect.  (Wait- refer to the list above).

So, ten years, two careers, a home, two beautiful children, several sicknesses, not a whole lot of money, some really good times, some really low times, and a life together later, I say Happy Anniversary to my Super-Husband.  I love you because you put up with me.  I love you because you are hilarious and have always known how to make me laugh.  I love you because you are a great father.  I love you because you will always do what needs to be done.  I love you because you will tell me the soup I made looks like vomit.  I love you because you are passionate about your career.  I love you because of our irreconcilable differences, and I look forward to a forever future with you finding new ones.


Filed under Just For Fun, Marriage