Tag Archives: divorce

Lessons I Want My Children to Learn: Commitment

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Today’s world makes it really easy to raise a total flake. Promises aren’t worth their weight in salt, and commitment means “I’ll do this until I find something I like better.” People just don’t follow through anymore.

I want to raise the kind of men who believe that their word means something.

The kind of guys from old movies– those who say what they mean and mean what they say and offer a handshake to seal the deal.

When they commit to an event, a group, a job, a person–I want my sons to understand just exactly what that means and how to follow through, if for no other reason than because they said they would.

2012 has been a tough year for some members of our family. Sadly, a couple of close family members are going through divorces, and it has become necessary for us to explain this to our children.

And as our boys grow and interact with more and more children their age who come from broken homes, or they ask questions like “Why is so-and-so not in our family anymore?”, it breaks my heart.

My husband and I have made it an important part of our family mission to have our children understand that while others may get divorced, divorce is painful and it is, in short, simply not an option for us.

We’re faaaaaaaar from being perfect parents, but this past year especially has shown us how important it is to teach our children about commitment, even to each other.

Thankfully I’m married to a man who vowed, even before we were married, that once we said “I do”, that was it– there’s no way out (except murder, he adds jokingly).

My husband comes from a broken home. His parents divorced when he was in college, just before he and I met. Because he was older and able to understand all of the circumstances and choices that led to his parents’ divorce, he was convicted to take his marriage vows seriously in this world where more than 50% of couples, even godly, Christian couples, divorce.

I am so lucky and blessed to be married to him. Even on our most difficult marriage days, I know that the end-game for both of us is to work through any issues instead of simply calling it quits. It’s a very comforting feeling to know that your spouse is in it for the long-haul, no matter what. (And we all know that in a marriage, sometimes that “what” can get a little cray-zay.)

My husband is also a wonderful example of commitment in doing what he says he’s going to do. Even to a fault.

There have been times when he’s sick or busy, but he’ll go out of his way to complete a task, meet with someone, or deliver something if he told someone he would. He’s very much a believer of “my word is my bond.”

Sometimes it drives me nuts because following through on his “word” can be very inconvenient for me, but I wouldn’t change him. I’ve had people tell me, “your husband is the kind of guy I can count on.”

Who wouldn’t be proud of being married to a guy like that?

He’s setting the example for our sons. He’s showing them how to say what you mean and mean what you say. And most of all, he’s a living, breathing example of commitment to his spouse and to his Lord.

We want our sons to be committed to Christ. We want them to understand the seriousness of a daily commitment of walking with the Lord. We want them to know that we realize how difficult it can be to follow through in this world of “do whatever feels good”, yet how rewarding and joyous it is when we hold fast to the Lord.

We want our sons to make commitments that are unwavering because it’s the right thing to do.

So when our kids ask to be put on a sports team, commit to being in a club, make a promise to someone or set a goal for themselves, we want to support them in their follow-through.

This is just one of the lessons we pray will create men of faith and character.

Share with me: Besides your marriage or your Christian walk, what was your biggest commitment of 2012? Did you meet your goal? Will you be committing to anything new in 2013?

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Hard to Find Happy Endings

Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after 72 days of marriage.

I know, I know. Let me give you a moment to weep. (Sarcasm…)

Who didn’t see this coming? I mean, really?

I won’t get off on a tangent about the Kardashians and how I think they contribute to the degradation of society, and that those who watch/emulate/admire said persons and those like them are complete and utter morons. No, I won’t go there.

Instead, I’ll point out that once again, the sanctity of marriage has been spat upon.

Happily ever after is subject to “happily until I’m not happy anymore.” Vows mean nothing. Vows are a joke.

And let’s just be honest–irreconcilable differences is a phrase used for those who don’t want to be honest about why they’re really getting divorced.

So, some questions for you.

Share with me: 

1. Should it be more difficult to get married? Meaning, should we impose requirements, like pre-marital counseling for all couples? Should getting a marriage license be more difficult?
2. Should divorce laws be stricter? If so, how can we make them stricter?
3. Should “irreconcilable differences” be removed from reasons for divorce?

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The Change-Up & Religion v. Divorce

I’ve been reading a lot about blogging and thinking a lot about blogging, and believe it or not, praying about my web-presence and what I intend to do with it.

First things first, I’ve decided to make some changes. These changes, while minor, are for a purpose.

In case you’ve never paid attention to my “Blog Topics by Day” schedule, here’s the rundown. (It’s over here, too.) ————————————>

Muse Monday- posts about the daily walk as a disciple and follower of Christ.
Writer Wednesday- posts about writing and the publishing process.
Forrest Gump Friday- you never know what you’re gonna get.

Well, I’ve made a little adjustment. I will no longer be using Writer Wednesday to blog about the writing/publishing process.

Why? you might ask. Mostly because I realized that by doing so, I’m alienating the audience that I want to cultivate–those who will read my novels when they come out. Sure, some of you who are also interested in the writing process might be kind enough to buy my book someday, but for the most part the readers are just that–readers, and you don’t care a lick about the writing process.

And I don’t blame you. I’ve come to terms with my seat-of-the-pants writer self, and I’ve realized that the process itself, while vital to the construction of a great story, doesn’t interest me enough to blog about it on a regular basis. There are plenty of other fantastic writers who do that much better than I ever could.

So, from now on I’ll be using Wednesdays to blog specifically about the topics that influence my stories, ie, romance, comparative religions, romance, history, current events, romance, social movements, oh, and romance. (And I’m not putting myself in a box here because tons and tons of different things inspire me as a writer.)

I hope that you, as the reader, will jump in and discuss the topics I present, share your opinions (Hey Lurkers! I really DO want your opinions!) and cultivate a friendship with me so that one day when my books are released, you’ll know what I’m passionate about and where my stories come from.

Is Religion Linked to Divorce? South Has Highest Rates Says Census.

As a Southern Belle myself, this headline caught my attention right away. But as I read the article, I’m not certain that the author made the point she intended.

 (By the way, I hate the word “religious”, but I’m sticking with it for this post because of the article above.)

The article does state that the South has the highest rate of divorce, but it also has the highest rate of marriage. The Northern states might have lower rates of divorce, but they also have lower marriage rates.  So, the question, I think, is not Is Religion Linked to Divorce, but Is Lack of Religion Linked to Lack of Marriage?

I can’t think of a single person who hasn’t somehow been touched by divorce. My father’s parents were divorced. My husband’s parents are divorced. Some friends of mine are currently going through a divorce. Several members of my family have been divorced.

Divorce is common in today’s society, and I often think it has nothing to do with religion at all.

Many of us have married with the idea that divorce is not an option. But I believe that in the back of our minds, even “we” (the “religious”) know that there are circumstances that would cause us to break up our marriage–like infidelity or abuse.

And what about the line in the article that states that one of the causes of the high divorce rate in the South is because of “low pre-marriage cohabitation rates”? Wow. What do you think of that?

Share with me: Why do you think divorce is so prevalent in today’s society, even among the “religious”? Southerners–why do you think the South has higher rates of divorce? Northerners–what’s your view on this? Can’t wait to see the responses on this topic!!

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