I remember parts of that day as though it happened only hours ago. I remember that it was a sticky-humid late spring day in Georgia, which means that the thunderclouds were rolling in just in time for the wedding to begin. I remember how excited I was to be getting married. I remember that my stomach was in knots because I still wasn’t sure that my parents were 100% on board with the whole idea, because my idea of exerting my independence was to get married, yet they were supporting me. I remember being the “good” kind of nervous. I remember bits and pieces of the ceremony and reception vividly, but truthfully, the whole thing went by so quickly that all I really remember was the feeling of pride- I was so proud of myself for getting through the whole day without once thinking that I acted like an idiot.
And when the wedding was over, the marriage began. The excitement of being married eventually segued into the reality of being married. Times were fun, times were hard. I learned about many of my husband’s…idiosyncrasies and he learned about mine (although I prefer to call them perfection-isms). I learned about what it’s like to live together and share everything. I learned that he just might be OCD, but only about certain things. I learned what meals were his favorite. I learned how to fit with his family, and he learned how to fit with mine.
And together we learned all about our irreconcilable differences. He’s a night owl and I am totally a morning person. He likes to eat processed food- Vienna sausages, squeeze-e-cheese, meat sticks. I like fresh fruit and vegetables. He won’t go to the doctor unless he’s close to death. I have regular check-ups. He doesn’t like to balance the checkbook. I have to know where every single penny is going. He is more spontaneous, while I’m a planner. He doesn’t sing; I sing ALL the time. He avoids conflict to the point of causing problems while I face it head on- to the point of causing problems. He loves cats. I hate cats. I love mushrooms and he won’t touch them. His car is full of cups, trash, clothes, and stuff from work. I keep mine cleaned out regularly. He can run miles and not break a sweat; I love to exercise but hate to run. He’s obsessed with watching TV in HD, while picture quality has no bearing on my TV enjoyment. He forgets to put the trash by the road about 80% of the time, and I have no trouble remembering trash day. And as our children grow and mature, we discover other ways in which my hubby and I are different. Want to guess who has to be “Bad Cop” the majority of the time?
But divorce has never been an option for us. We decided before we married that divorce would never enter our marriage vocabulary, and although we’ve had our share of “trouble” spots, never have we actually considered ending our marriage. (Okay, to be honest, there was one time when I bluffed leaving. His cat was having urinary tract problems and decided to have them only on my belongings. That cat hated me, and I was not fond of it. Although the cat had been part of my husband’s life since he was 11, I told him that it was me or the cat. Yay for me. An ultimatum. So my hubby went into the attic and got a suitcase down and gave it to me. Yeah, you could call that a backfire. And so I continued to put up with the cat until two years later when the poor thing finally died.) I am so grateful that we have the kind of marriage that is built on this philosophy of “divorce is not an option.” We trust each other, we pray together, we can talk to each other (sometimes loudly. To borrow a phrase from my aunt, it’s ‘Intense Fellowship’), and we both know how to apologize when we are wrong. Yes, ladies, I suppose I’m just lucky enough to have snagged Mr. Perfect. (Wait- refer to the list above).
So, ten years, two careers, a home, two beautiful children, several sicknesses, not a whole lot of money, some really good times, some really low times, and a life together later, I say Happy Anniversary to my Super-Husband. I love you because you put up with me. I love you because you are hilarious and have always known how to make me laugh. I love you because you are a great father. I love you because you will always do what needs to be done. I love you because you will tell me the soup I made looks like vomit. I love you because you are passionate about your career. I love you because of our irreconcilable differences, and I look forward to a forever future with you finding new ones.
4 responses to “Happily Ever Irreconcilable Differences”
Wow! As it turns out true love really does exist and you can have it all. There is hope for the rest of us.
Happy Anniversary! May you have many, many more.
I really enjoyed this!! Very true for most of us married folks that are in it for the long haul…I especially enjoyed the trash day part!! So true in our house 🙂
I'd like to quote "Intense fellowship" – that's awesome! I have blogged about my husband saying I have "forceful opinions" – code for me not shutting up and letting him talk because I think I'm right.Congrats on 10 years, our differences are what make us more able to co-exist! I'm going to link your post to mine about the same type of thing…I'd love more people to "get" that some of the best marriages aren't between people that are exactly the same!