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January 4, 2015 · 9:00 am

1st Resolution of 2015: Be A Failure

I envy the people who fail with grace.

They try. They fail. They look at their failure with a “better luck next time” sort of attitude, and let it roll off them like it’s no big thing.

That’s so not me. I’m no good at failure.

I’m a type-A, 4.0 GPA, “if you want the job done better do it yourself” kind of girl, so failure and I don’t exactly get along.

But not in 2015.

I’m not really down with making resolutions, mostly because, as mentioned above, I believe in action more than intention. So while resolutions might not be my thing, I really like making goals and even more making a plan, then working the plan to achieve the goal.

So you might be surprised to find out that my first goal of 2015 is to be a failure.

2014 brought changes to my life. The biggest change was that I went back to work full time, which was both a blessing and a challenge. Even though I work from home, my job is pretty demanding, so while I’m “here,” I’m not always “here,” if you know what I mean. 90% of the time my brain is on work-mode, and the time-suck of that has been a real challenge.

Mostly because my plate was pretty full when the job came along. Suddenly: overflowing plate. Like overflowing-and-making-a-mess-on-the-floor plate. Suddenly I found myself wondering how I could balance it all.

First I looked at it as a challenge that I could overcome by making a plan. Making a schedule. Working toward a goal, like I tend to do. So I set out to do just that.

Plan for 2014:

Be a devoted follower of Jesus by spending regular, quality time with Him.

Try to be a great mom. Have plenty of quality time with my boys.

Try to be a great wife. Have plenty of quality time with my husband.

Keep the house clean and orderly, and do all the cutesy Pinterest stuff that shows the world I’m cutesy and Pinterest-y.

Exercise regularly.

Write. Write write write write write. Spit out at least 2 more books during the year.

Try to be an awesome teacher and leader. Work hard at my job, achieve career goals. Plan brilliant lessons for my students that show them that history is awesome, develop great plans that help my team achieve and becoming stronger teachers for their students and the school.

Grow the women’s ministry at church. Be a focused leader with plans, goals, and show progress toward growing the ministry. Plan and execute women’s ministry events.

Teach Sunday school. Lead Bible study. Use my gift of teaching for the good of the church and the community to glorify Him.

Continue to be active member of music ministry at church.

Get boys to and from all of their activities. Be involved mom in all of their activities so that they can be more well-rounded.

Be involved at boys’ schools. Room mom. Cutesy Pinterest stuff again.

Whew. Just reading that list makes me tired. It makes me sad. And it makes me embarrassed because there are several things on that list that just didn’t happen in 2014.

So my first goal of 2015: Be okay with being a failure.

Sometimes when our plates are too full we have to let something go and learn to say no. We (I) have to take a hard look at our priorities and figure out what’s really most important.

The difficult thing for me is that all of the stuff on my list for 2014 is pretty important (okay, not the Pinterest stuff so much).

So when I look at the list of responsibilities I have and realize that I have to let something go, all I see is a giant red F.

F for failure.

I haven’t been able to balance it all. I haven’t been able to pull it all off. I’m not “woman who can do it all.”

And I wonder, will the world judge me? Will they think I’m weak, or lazy, or disorganized, or heaven forbid, not good enough? Just because I can’t do it all?

Stupid, right? I know.

I know. And yet I feel like a failure because I have to realize that in order to do the most important things in my life, I’ve got to let some of the other stuff go.

And I have to be okay with that.

So I pray, I prioritize, and I decide that my first goal of 2015 is to be okay with looking someone in the eye and saying, “I can’t.” I’m going to be comfortable saying, “I’m doing my best and I can’t take on anything else.” I will say, “I tried and I failed. I’m sorry.”

I will remember that God has never asked for me to be perfect. He’s never asked me to do it all. He’s never expected me to be SuperWoman or SuperMom or SuperWife. In fact, he’s provided mercy and grace through the perfection of his son so that when I do fail, I know that I’m still loved by the One who matters.

Who cares what the world thinks? I’m loved even when I fail.

It’s beautifully liberating to know that God loves me no matter what, even when I don’t live up to my own standards. It’s stress-releasing and hope-giving and smile-producing.

So let something go in 2015. Be okay with looking back at 2014 and saying, “I tried and I failed.” Be okay with prioritizing, learning to say no, and trying again.

God’s mercies are new every morning. His strength is renewing, and his hope is unending.

2015 is going to be a beautiful year. My plan for this year is to revel in that beauty. Instead of focusing on trying to do it all, I’m going to focus on doing it all to the glory of the One who loves me.

Share with me: What are your goals for 2015?

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Filed under The Christian Walk

Tagged as failure, goals, God, Jesus, priorities, resolutions, teaching, writing

January 30, 2012 · 8:36 am

Prone To Wander

I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year, mostly because I rarely keep them. But more than making a resolution, I decided to make a perspective change.

I’m changing my perspective on the way I live each minute. Following the prodding I first received when I began reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, I’ve decided to live in God’s presence at all times.

This is a constant thing–to live each moment in the presence of my Lord.

I’ll tell you what it’s done for me so far–it’s convicted me over the sinfulness in my life.

I struggle with sinfulness.

I think I’m in pretty good company with this. Martin Luther, the father of the Protestant Reformation, struggled with his own sinfulness. It was the notion that he could never work hard enough or self-flagellate enough to be worthy of the Kingdom of Heaven. It’s that idea–the need for grace–that pushed him to dig deeper within the scriptures to eventually challenge the Catholic church on the idea of justification by faith.

Now that I’ve given you a mini history lesson, let me get back to my point.

No matter what I do, I’ll never be able to completely eradicate sin in my life. There was only One who never sinned, and clearly, I’m not Him.

I could use the excuse that sin is inherent–I can’t avoid it.

Someone who questions the existence of original sin has never spent any time around a toddler. You don’t have to teach a toddler how to pitch a fit or disobey, or how to sneak a cookie, or throw something at a sibling. You don’t have to teach a toddler how to use anger and manipulation to try to get what they want, nor do you have to teach them those ugly little looks they sometimes give. They are born knowing how to do these things, and will employ them, to the best of their abilities, unless someone teaches them otherwise.

But I can’t use original sin as my excuse, at least not all the time.

Maybe I can get away with it for those knee-jerk reaction sins. The anger I have when someone says something rude. Or the jealousy that floods me when someone gets something I want. Maybe I can blame my inherent will to sin for these.

But what about the sins that I choose? Yes, choose. I know better, yet sometimes I choose to sin. I choose to disobey what I know to be right. I choose to ignore the voice of God, even when I’ve asked him to speak to me. I choose to sin.

And it’s a choice that separates me from the blessings of my God, from the joy of living daily in His presence.

Come Thou Fount is one of my favorite hymns. There’s one phrase in that song that speaks to me so loudly, I almost feel as if it was written just for me.

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above.

This phrase is more than just a verse in a song to me. It’s a prayer. I’m asking God to seal my heart as I live in his presence– to tune my heart to sing his grace so that there’s no cause to sing anything else.

I can’t destroy the sin in my life–that will be done someday when evil is vanquished. I’ll never be perfect. But I can refocus my life so that my knee-jerk reactions are glorifying to God and my choices become clear benefits to the Kingdom of Heaven.

And daily I will remain immensely grateful for forgiveness and redemption as I trod the road of disciple.

Applying the concept of living moment by moment in God’s presence has already made me less prone to wander.

Share with me: How are you doing on your New Year’s resolutions so far? How many did you make? How many have you kept and how many have you ditched already?