Tag Archives: romance

What I Won’t Write About

Congratulations to Keli Gwyn!! You are the winner of a copy of A Jane Austen Devotional! Please email me your address asap! πŸ™‚

Religion and politics. Two of my favorite topics.

Really. I could talk about either one all day long. Add some history in there, another of my favorites, and I’ll bore you to tears. πŸ™‚

As those topics are “taboo” in polite conversation, we all know that there are topics that are somewhat “taboo” in the Christian fiction market.

We all have a general understanding of what those are, so I don’t really want to focus on that.

Instead, I want to pose a question to you writers and to you readers.

Writers: What topic/subject/incident will you not write about?

Readers: What topic/subject/incident do you not want to read about?

Let me give you a little context so that you can better answer these questions.

I’m talking about too painful. Too unimaginable. Too uncomfortable to write or read about.

I read a novel some time ago that I really, really disliked. (Don’t worry–said novel and author shall remain nameless.)

It wasn’t that the story was written badly–it was fine. But I didn’t like the story because of the heroine. She was an idiot. She made me angry. She reacted badly in all situations and for the most part, her bad decisions drove the story, but as a reader, I was supposed to accept her bad decisions because she was a Christian seeking God’s will.

Nope.

I read the entire book hoping that there would be a moment of epiphany on the heroine’s part when she realized what a moron she was, but no. Instead it ended with everything working out for her, and someone else getting hurt because of her bad choices.

I was left unsatisfied and angry. And although this book was one in a series, I didn’t bother to read the others, and probably won’t read that author again. I couldn’t see myself in this heroine. I couldn’t identify with her choices or thought process. From page one I just wanted to reach into the story and smack her.

Can you tell it left a bad taste in my mouth?

The reason I disliked it so much is that I was supposed to believe that the heroine was committed and hopelessly in love with her husband, but within pages of her husband’s sudden death (mere weeks in the storyline) she’s already thinking of another man in a romantic way. While she’s pregnant with her dead husband’s baby.

Call me insane, but I have a hard time with this topic. Perhaps it’s because I’m happily married to a wonderful man. I can’t imagine another man evoking the same emotions in me, even if something were to happen to my husband. This is a situation I’ve never faced, and one I hope to never face.

Because of that, I find it very difficult to swallow a character who can fall for another so quickly after the sudden death of a spouse.

I can understand it if time as passed (I’m not specifying how much time, just enough that I can believe it’s possible that emotionally the character is able to move on), but I cannot write a character who’s in a Godly, committed relationship (much like my own) who loses a spouse and is able to move on so quickly.

Do these people exist in real life? Sure.

But I can’t write about it. The idea is one I can’t process in my own life, so I can’t write it organically. Just imagining it is too painful. If I’m going to write from a place of authenticity, I’d have to write about a woman who mourned the loss of her husband for a significant period of time and when rediscovering romance, had to process and pray through the ability to move on. (And again, I hope I never, ever have to face this as a reality!!)

And for now, I have not been inspired to write a story that contains such an incident or plot point.

So now that you have the context…

Share with me: Writers: What topic/subject/incident will you not write about? Readers: What topic/subject/incident do you not want to read about?

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Are You Writing to Your Character’s Love Language?

My Sunday school class recently started a new study– The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Some of you have probably heard of this book/study. It’s been around for awhile and has pretty much become a staple for anyone getting married or working to improve their marriage. (Aren’t we all?)

Although I’ve known about this book for years, I had never read it. So when my Sunday school teacher announced that this would be our study for the quarter, I was really excited.

I really wanted to get into the nitty gritty of what my love language is and what my husband’s is. And once we both took the quiz to discover that information, I was not at all surprised by the results. It pretty much pegged us.

We were discussing the results in class a few Sundays ago when our teacher recommended that we try to discover the love language of our children.

And I had an ah-ha! moment.

Why not use this material and apply it to my characters? I am a romance writer, after all. 

A little light bulb turned on over my head.

I started thinking about my WIP and almost immediately I knew what love language each of my lead characters communicated in. Because of that, I knew how he and she should respond to each other–what needed to happen for them to “feel” loved and how they would communicate their love to one another.

In case you aren’t familiar with The 5 Love Languages, they are as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

According to Dr. Chapman, each of us falls into one of these categories–this is what we need from our spouse or significant other in order to feel loved–this is also most likely how we communicate our love.

In order for a lasting relationship to happen, we need to understand what language our partner needs, learn to speak it, and have our partner return the favor.

I scored a perfect 100% for my primary Love Language to be acts of service. I wasn’t at all surprised by this. I don’t need diamonds or fancy dinners out or lavish vacations (although those things are nice!). What I need is for my hubby to occasionally fold the laundry, run errands for me, bathe our children, etc. Thankfully my husband speaks my Love Language pretty well. πŸ™‚

My husband’s primary Love Language is physical touch. I wasn’t surprised by this, either. He likes to hold hands, hug a lot, put his arm around me. And he needs me to respond to that.

So, how can this information be applied to characters in a romance?

Think about your heroine. Among all the other things you consider about her at creation, how will she respond best and feel most loved and cherished when your hero comes a-callin’? Will it be the moment when he repairs the roof of her house? Will it be his silver tongue, laced with words of love that wins her? Or how about when his lips meet hers? Will she respond best to a box from Tiffany’s to know that she’s loved, or maybe just a walk on a beach at sunset?

What does she need to feel loved?

When considering my heroine, I knew right away that her love language was words of affirmation. She needs to hear them–she needs to be valued verbally. The more Hero praises her, builds her up, encourages her, the more she falls for him. Yeah, she likes the kisses. She likes the time they spend together, but she needs those words.

What does my hero need to feel loved?  

For him it’s physical touch. He needs to feel her respond to him. He needs to know that when his fingers linger on her hand, sparks are flying. He needs her to want to be close to him.

Yeah, I can totally make that happen. πŸ™‚

Let’s look at an example from pop culture. I give you the Love Languages of Bella and Edward.

It is possible for a person to have more than one love language. For Bella, I definitely think she’s a mixture of quality time and physical touch. I mean, for Pete’s sake, she nearly went nuts when Edward vanished in New Moon. In all the books, his proximity to her body is what she needs to feel like he loves her. The more he’s around, the more time they spend together, the more she feels loved. Yeah, this sounds like she’s needy, but it’s just her love language–it’s part of her makeup–what she needs to feel loved.

And Edward. His love language is words of affirmation. This should be glaringly obvious, I think. He needs to be told over and over and over and over and over that he’s not a horrible creature, that he’s not hurting Bella, that she truly does love him, that he’s a good person/vampire/humanesque creature. He needs to hear it–words that affirm.

Who agrees with my analysis of these two? 

Focusing a little attention on your characters and their love language helps develop not only the backstory (why does she need words of affirmation?) but also helps you to create the romance. 

Not every girl falls for the man who buys her fancy things. (Crazy, right?)

Not every guy needs to spend every waking moment with his girl to know that they are in love.

Develop your characters around this concept– that they each speak a Love Language, and you’ll develop a lasting romance.

Share with me: Can you think of characters in a novel that have easily identifiable Love Languages? What about your characters? Can you identify what Love Language they are speaking?

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He’s Just a Little Bit Married

I love a good love story.

You should know that about me by now.

Recently I’ve gotten highly involved in the show Once Upon A Time. Love it. Such a fun concept.

Once Upon a Time–Prince Charming married his princess and everyone lived happily ever after. Or not.

If you plan to watch but haven’t yet, skip to the end of this post. Fair warning, faithful readers. OUAT spoilers ahead.

If you haven’t seen it, here’s the premise: fairy tale characters (Snow White, Prince Charming, Rumpelstiltskin, Red Riding Hood, The Huntsman, et al) were cursed by the evil queen and were banished to live in the “real world”, ie, Storybrooke, Maine, where they live boring days with no recollection of their former lives as storybook characters. Until. Until Emma Swan shows up, setting the clock in motion, ending the dictatorial reign of the mayor (the Evil Queen). Emma is important, but I won’t go into detail about her now. This post ain’t about her.

So, now everyone in Storybrooke is acting all crazy, working toward figuring out the truth, and the one thing I want the most–the one thing that drives all of it, in my opinion, is the relationship between Snow White and Prince Charming. In the real world, they are known as Mary Margaret and David. And I want them to figure out they are in love.

Except I don’t.

Cause see, there’s one little problem. In the real world, David (our adorable, sweet Prince Charming) is married. To someone else.

*sigh*

Okay, maybe his marriage is questionable. Like, it might have been “faked” by the mayor to keep David under her control (yeah, yeah, it’s a stretch, but the woman is evil). Regardless, David’s wife, Kathryn, says they’re married, and he believes her. By the way, David was in a coma for a really long time (like, since the moment the fairy tale became reality) and only woke up when Mary Margaret (Snow White, his true love, his wife and mother of his child in the fairy tale world) touched him.

Are you still with me?

Yes, David of Reality is married to Kathryn. Yes, Prince Charming (James) of FairyTaleLand is married to Snow White. And they are the same dude.

Confused? I’m getting to a point, I promise. And it has nothing to do with bigamy.

My point is this: in the real world part of the show, David and Mary Margaret find themselves drawn together, all sorts of inappropriate feelings flying around them, even though he’s married to another woman.

Mary Margaret tries to push him away. She tells him it’s wrong.

He tells Mary Margaret that she’s the only thing that feels right since he’s woken up from his coma.

Then he goes home, to his wife, and says he wants to work it out.

In the most recent episode I watched (I DVR them and tend to watch a week or so after they air. Just don’t have time to keep up!), David thought his wife was pregnant. So he told her he would go to counseling. They would work on their issues because they are “supposed” to be in love.

He tells Mary Margaret that she’s the one. But his character is certainly taking advantage of that marriage bed. 

When he found out his wife wasn’t pregnant, he ended up in a lip-lock with Mary Margaret.

Top: Snow White and James, Prince Charming. Bottom: Mary Margaret and David.

Part of me cheered. Part of me just got mad.

I want the hero and heroine to end up together. I really, really do. But now I’m wondering if David is really the hero.

See, I have this little moral compass inside me that says no matter how much of a shrew his wife is (and she’s really not that bad, just suspicious) or how much he feels “drawn” to Mary Margaret, he’s married. Married. 

It’s not just a piece of paper, folks. It’s a commitment.

The fact that our “hero” tells his wife one thing and allows his feelings to drive him straight into the arms of another woman, well, to be honest, it knocks him off the Prince Charming white horse.

I want to want the hero and heroine to be together, but I can’t. I really, really can’t. Marriage means something to me. It’s sacred. And I’m tired of it being treated like a temporary condition rather than a lifelong vow.

Now, let’s say that in a few episodes we find out that he’s not actually married to Kathryn. Does that make it better? Does it make his behavior okay? He thinks he’s married. For all we know right now, he is.

What if he left his wife? If he left her, would his behavior be acceptable?

David with his wife, Kathryn.

Part of my problem with his character is the back-and-forth wishy-washy “I love you but I’m supposed to be with her” attitude.

I want to say that it’ll be okay. He’s only a little married. But something inside me (darn that moral compass) says nope.

How “married” does he have to be for his behavior to be acceptable?

I felt the same way when I saw the movie Something Borrowed.

I hated every second of that movie. I just couldn’t be cool with the whole “I’m stealing my best friend’s fiance” even though the best friend was not a good person. (Is it a coincidence that Gennifer Goodwin was the star of that movie and she’s the star of Once Upon A Time? Weird. I do think she’s so adorable…) Granted, they weren’t married in the movie, but close enough, I guess.

Should it matter that the woman being cheated on is a less than stellar human being? Is that supposed to make it okay?

It certainly seems to make it easier for society to accept.

But what if that woman was you?

Share with me: How do you feel about romances like this–that start with one of the characters in a marriage? Can you get past the marriage “thing” if the spouse is horrible enough?

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Filed under Romance, Writing