Worst Break Up Excuses EVER

We all hate that moment–the one where you know the relationship is over and now you have to do something about it.

Thankfully I haven’t had to break up with anybody in a long, long time and I don’t plan on having to do it ever again. (I love you, babe!) but being broken up with is the pits. I’ve made a collection of some of the worst break up lines and the reasons why.

The Psychologist — it’s not you, it’s me. And then he’ll offer 100 reasons why it’s really you.

The Gut-wrencher — I’ve met somebody else. This one hurts the worst, I think, because now you’re automatically thinking, “I’m not good enough. She’s better.” It’s the most painful.

The Vanisher — he doesn’t call, he doesn’t write, he simply disappears from the face of the earth and hopes you’ll take the hint. Coward, I say.

The Holier-Than-Thou — God doesn’t want me to have a girlfriend right now. Yech. I hate this one the most because it was used on me once. But a week later, dude was dating a new girl. Hmmm. Wonder what God said about that.

The Player — we need a break. This is code for “I want to get with someone else and still have a chance to get back with you.” Your answer should be no.

The Scaredy-cat — Sends a note or text or leaves a voicemail saying the relationship is over. I was guilty of this once. Ouch.

The Animal Rights Activist — Your cat has feline leukemia you say? That’s airborne. I have a cat too. Here’s some money for a cab. We can’t see each other anymore. My husband actually used this on a poor, unsuspecting young lady years and years ago. Yep, he loved his cat more than he liked the girl. Lucky for me, I suppose.

The Mama’s Boy — My mommy says that I can do better. And, ladies, you can do better than a mama’s boy.

The Liar — I just don’t love you anymore. Either he never did or he still does, but either way, he was lying at some point.

The Romantic– It’s just not our time. Oh, please. It probably never will be if you stick with this drama queen.

The Waffler — Let’s just take it slow. When he’s with you, he says all the right things and treats you like the only woman in the world, then doesn’t call for three weeks. He’s out and he’s in. Drop this one quickly or he’ll make you crazy.  Maybe use one of the excuses above.

Share with me: What are the worst break up lines or excuses that you can think of? Any really bad ones ever used on you?

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13 Comments

Filed under Romance, Writing

13 responses to “Worst Break Up Excuses EVER

  1. I once had a girlfriend have her friend call and break up with my over voice mail.I actually think the girl should be commended. As a guy having a relationship end and not having to have that conversation or even hear it from her was a nice change of pace! I think all bad news should be delivered by a non involved person through voice mail.

  2. I loved this post! I've had a couple of those used on me and one from what I like to call The Directionally Challenged–"I just think we're going down different roads."Gag. lol (but it was kinda true)

  3. Who needs an excuse? Be a man. Just quit calling.

  4. I was given a "break-up test". I failed. She asked me to make her PB&J saltine crackers, so I did. Then she hit me with the knock out punch of "why would I actually want this? It's disgusting! You didn't even question me, you just have me what I wanted. You're such a people pleaser. Thou don't stand up for yourself. I just can't be with you anymore." So basically, it WAS me and she bluntly let me know. But she ended up dating the drummer in my band a week later, so, it was probably just an excuse too.

  5. How about this one (and you'll certainly know who it was!): He went to prom with me one week and prom with 'her' the next week. The day following 'her' prom, at a TA function, he refused to talk to me. So a friend of mine reamed him out and I got the "well, I had a really good time with her… and she's really pretty… so I think I'll try to date her" excuse. Did it work? No. (Because she was MY friend!) Did he come crawling back? Yes. Idiot.

  6. Ooooh!! These are SO good! 🙂 Y'all are giving me some smiles by re-living your sad experiences. No, I'm not sadistic. Keep 'em coming!!

  7. um, how about Medically Concerned – "I haven't had a period for two and a half months. Interestingly, this is the same amount of time we have been dating. I'm worried about my health, so we need to break up."yes, used this one. and it wasn't a lie. it was the truth. ugh.

  8. Ah, these are awesome. I've had the psychologist (and a few others up there). Fun!Hey, your posts aren't showing up in my blogroll. I know I follow you. Just wanted to let you know b/c otherwise I know I'd be here more based on posts like this! :D~ Wendy

  9. I love this, Jennifer!! How about The Efficient, who simply changes his Facebook relationship status.

  10. Erroneous!!!!! I did not give her cab money.

  11. Neighbor added this one: He was 17 when he started dating a girl, 16. When he turned 18, she told him, "you're too old for me."Ouch.

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