On this day five years ago, you came into our world.
You came, your birth much like that of the brother before you. In fact, you even looked much like the brother before you. But the moments that led up to your birth were special. Unique. Refining.
Your journey– my journey– was littered with frustration, heartache, and tears.
You see, my son, you were not easily conceived.
God made me– us– wait for you.
As much as my heart longed to see you, my body longed to carry you, my arms longed to hold you, we had to wait.
So many medical questions, so many fears, so many unanswered prayers. So much misunderstanding. So much longing.
That longing became my focus. That longing became my reason for living. The longing consumed me.
But the longing was only the tool. That longing was changing me, shaping me, refining me.
I had a choice in that longing– let it destroy me or let it push me to the One who destroys all fear.
In that longing I sought God’s face in a way I never had before in my life. I sought to know the One who would send his own child to die for me, when all I wanted was another child of my own.
In that longing I looked for his beauty. In that longing I wanted to know Him, to understand him in a way I never had before. I wanted to truly see His face for the first time in my life.
That longing became desire, not only for a child to fill my arms and make your brother a sibling, but to seek a God who reigns– a God worthy of being glorified.
And I found Him. Oh yes, precious boy, I found Him.
I found Him in the frustration. I found him in the pain. I found him in the longing. I found him in the doctor’s negative news and in my own hopes.
I found Him. I found the God I had always known but never experienced. And then He gave us you.
On this day five years ago I celebrated the desires of my heart. I celebrated your birth, your beautiful entrance into this world.
I celebrated a relationship with a God more loving than I could have ever imagined. I celebrated not just because he had answered my prayer, but because on the long path to the answer, he revealed himself to me. Because for the first time in my life, I truly felt His presence.
And five years later I celebrate still. For in bringing you to our family God almighty has given me a glimpse of heaven. He has given me a glimpse of the eternal and made me yearn for it in a way I never had before.
You, the boy before you and the boy after you are the greatest gifts I could have ever been given. God knew I wanted you, but that I needed HIM.
You are a gift, my beautiful son. A gift from a God who yearns to know us, to take our pain and replace it with joy, to be glorified in our journey. You are a gift from a God who wants to be known and experienced.
In the five years since you came into this world my prayer has been that my life, your life, the lives of your father and your brothers, would be pleasing to God. That we would glorify Him.
You will face trails of many kinds. You will face joys and heartaches, many expected, many an unwelcome surprise.
But know this, my precious one, your very life is proof that the journeys He allows, the ones with the twists and turns, with moments we can use to refine us, with moments where we must choose between leaning on our own understanding or praying for the divine inspiration of the Eternal; those journeys reveal the perfection of Christ. In those moments he reveals his very character. And in those revelations, we see His glory. And once we’ve seen it, it is all we will long for.
I would not trade one moment of my journey. For bringing me to that moment of your birth brought me a greater understanding of The One who loves me most and the sacrifice he made for me.
And he loves you.
He loves you enough to refine your parents through the journey that brought you here.
Happy Birthday, my courageous, spontaneous, mischievous, loving, snuggly little man. My love for you knows no bounds and I thank God for you.
One response to “The Journey of Your Birth”
So beautiful, Jenny. Sorry to have missed talking to little man today, but I will call and check on him tomorrow. Love you all.