Tag Archives: motivation

Finding Motivation When You Just Don’t Wanna


I’ve been suffering from a severe case of “lack of motivation” lately. Like, severe.

And not just for writing.

For the household projects I’d planned to tackle this summer, including painting the bathroom. For following my workout routine. For planning meals and grocery lists. For working on some projects for the various things I do at church. For all of the “fun summer” things I had planned to accomplish with my boys.

It’s been bad, y’all. So bad that I purposefully acknowledge it right now, in public, before all the world.

I have no motivation.

It probably has something to do with the fact that I’m tired, my list of responsibilities is too long, and that my summer break is pretty short and therefore my brain is already on the things I will need to do when I get back to work in a couple of weeks.

Whatever. No excuses other than I just don’t have the motivation to get anything done right now.

Ever been in a place like this? Your To Do list is a mile and a half long and yet you have no desire to tackle the first thing on it?

This is unlike me. Usually I’m finding serious joy in accomplishing things. So it has kind of been worrying me that I’m suffering from such a lack of motivation.

So here’s what I’ve decided to do:

  1. Just do it. No, I’m not encouraging you to buy Nikes, I’m just saying that this post is my first step in making the most of what’s left of my summer—I’m diving in and doing it. I marked off something small on my list today first, decided to write this post, and let the momentum push me along through the afternoon. I actually accomplished quite a few things today and it. Feels. GOOD.  Hallelujah. Let’s hope and pray that this momentum rolls into tomorrow.
  1. Look to others for inspiration. I have some seriously awesome friends who mostly rock at life. Just reading through their Facebook pages or sending a simple “I don’t want To Do anything but sit on the couch and read” text is totally helpful.
  1. Listen to the wisdom of those friends. One might say, “C’mon now, you can do it! Accountability!” while the other friend, also wise, might remind me that the occasional day of doing nothing but sitting on the couch and reading is actually healthy for both body and mind.
  1. Remind yourself of the commitments you’ve made. Some of those things on my To Do list must get done because they affect other people. For those particular items, it’s not about me and what I’m feeling or not feeling—it’s about the commitment I’ve made to someone else and the follow-through. I committed to following through, and I believe in keeping commitments. Whether it’s family, church, work or other, the items that affect others move up the list (my family has to eat…don’t they?).
  1. Hack up that To Do list. When you’re feeling unmotivated, shred that To Do list and start over. Put only the vital things on it. Put only the doable things on it. Put your commitments that affect other people, work items, and things that involve a time-table. Make it short and concise. Start there—you can add the other stuff back later.
  1. Show yourself a little grace. Claim some days off. Sometimes your body needs to re-charge. Sometimes your brain needs a break. Sometimes it’s totally okay and acceptable to step away from the To Do list and simply do something else.

So here’s to momentum that carries into the next days and weeks. Here’s to a summer filled with sun, completed projects, and precious memories with my family. That I will document and organize. Someday.

Share with me: What projects or items are on your summer To Do list?

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Filed under Family, Writing

How NOT To Write A Romance: A Lesson from Man of Steel

*** Attention!! Spoilers ahead. If you haven’t seen Man of Steel yet, read with caution!!

Man of Steel 1

7 pm last Thursday evening– the hubs and I went to the movies to see Man of Steel.

My husband is a GINORMOUS Superman fan and has been since he was a child. He’s indoctrinated our sons on the ways of the Man of Steel, and my boys are huge fans, too (I’ve kinda taken a shine to him, myself). So it was no surprise to the people who know us that we could be found at the very first showing of this anticipated summer blockbuster.

Overall, I liked the movie.

I’m not going to give a complete review of the movie because I really couldn’t care less about some of the things online bloggers are saying about it (so SuperHubs tells me. I haven’t been reading reviews.) I will say that Henry Cavill is the most handsome Superman EVER. Love that guy. He was, in fact, the inspiration for the male lead in my very first novel, written years ago. So glad he’s hitting big-time fame now.

The focus of this post is Clark Kent and Lois Lane. Yep, I’m coming at this movie from a romance writer’s POV. (Therefore, should you choose to want to discuss or argue other merits of the movie, you’d better head on over to my hubby’s movie blog for that.)

I want to point out that I am very aware that Man of Steel was not intended to be a romance. It is an action movie from beginning to end, but it does have some romantic elements. Because the filmmakers included those elements, I feel compelled to comment on them.

Last week a writer-friend of mine asked, “when is too soon in a novel to have a first kiss?” My response was, “The sooner, the better!” But of course, that’s only true if it’s done right.

I like for the tension between the male and female protags to simmer and bubble until it nearly boils over, bringing them to the point of that glorious first kiss, full of steam and emotion. If that takes the whole book (or movie), then so be it. If the author is able to work that in the first chapter, okay then.

But it takes time to build that sort of romantic tension.

So imagine how disappointed I was when I when I watched Man of Steel and felt robbed of the romantic tension between Clark and Lois. Robbed, I say!!!

man-of-steelHere’s the thing– everyone who knows even a smidge about Superman knows that Lois Lane and Clark Kent end up together. It’s fated. (Comic readers–I’m ignoring any trysts between Superman and Wonder Woman.)

Lois falls for Superman. She finds out that geeky Clark Kent is Superman. She falls for Clark Kent.

The story varies a little throughout the comic books (so I’m told by my hubby, lest you think I actually read comics. Ha ha!) and the movies, but the common thread is the same– Lois loves Clark and Clark loves Lois.

When we meet Clark in Man of Steel, he’s on a hero’s journey. He’s trying to discover where he comes from and where he fits in. He’s trying to find himself in this ole world. He’s lonely. He’s an outcast. He’s introverted. He has pretty much isolated himself from any human connection. His mission is absolute– find out who he is and where he comes from.

Spoiler Alert!! ****

Man of Steel throws Lois and Clark together pretty quickly. Clark has discovered that there is a ship from Krypton buried in Arctic ice. Ever intrepid reporter Lois secretly follows Clark (a stranger to her at this point) onto this 18,000 year old space craft. While Clark’s off doing Kryptony things on the other side of the ship, Lois gets hurt. Clark runs to her aid and what does he do? Immediately reveal his powers to her by cauterizing her wound with his fire-eyes.

NO. No no no no no. NO!!!!!!

Half of the fun of the Lois/Clark relationship is watching Lois use her reporter-powers to try to reveal Superman’s true identity. It’s fun to watch her develop suspicions about Clark (side note– are glasses really the perfect disguise?? I’ve never understood that. Maybe Lois is pretty dense.) and it is great to watch what unfolds when she learns that Clark is indeed Superman.

This movie stole all of that enjoyment.

Lois then spends part of the movie trying to track Clark down because she wants to write an alien story about him. When she finds him, she suddenly decides to drop the story to protect him.

Here’s where why matters. WHY does she suddenly want to protect him? There’s just not enough story development up to this point. What’s there is sparse and glossed over.

Move to the point where Clark decides to turn himself in as the alien that Zod is searching for, thus revealing himself to humanity. (Okay, I’ve probably confused you, but stay with me.)

When turning himself in, Clark requests to speak only to Lois.

Heh??? Why in the world would he request Lois, a woman he’s seen two times his whole life??

Because the writers of this movie were forcing Lois and Clark together. Using the obvious, fated relationship, they felt the need to make it happen fast.

In so doing, they stole the joy of allowing viewers to watch the relationship develop.

Suddenly it’s Team Clark-Superman/Lois against the world. Oh, and against Zod.

She accompanies Superman up into space on Zod’s ship. (Seriously?) She shoots some aliens. (Are ya kiddin’ me?) She works with Jor-El to save Superman. Then she high-tails it back to earth in a pod thingy that catches fire (clearly Lois is having a bad day).

Jor-El tells Superman that he can save her. He can save them all (aka humanity). Insert Christ-like correlations here.

So Superman saves her. That’s what he’s supposed to do. In return, Lois is going to help him save the planet (riiiiiiiiight).

Fast forward. The world is besieged by Zod as he uses some alien ships and technology to turn Earth into Krypton. Millions of people are dying (although the people aren’t really shown, it’s impossible not to assume that as Metropolis is basically falling down and Smallville is a hot mess).

Superman is in the fight of his life. Lois falls out of a plane. He saves her. They kiss.

IN THE MIDDLE OF A STINKIN BATTLE FOR EARTH, aliens involved and all, Superman finds time to kiss Lois, a chick he barely knows and has little relationship with, as they stand in a wasteland of what used to be Metropolis.


It was at this point in the movie that I became more interested in what was going on with Zod and pretty bummed that Chris Meloni’s character was dead. Hope for romantic tension to drive the relationship between Lois and Clark? As dead as Chris Meloni’s character.

from comicbook.com

The male writers of this movie could have consulted a few female romance writers for lessons on how to create tension. They should have, really. I know this movie wasn’t meant as a romance (that was Superman Returns), but it lacked the je ne sais quoi that made me want to root for Lois and Clark to get together.

There was no mystery between these two characters. There was no foundation for a relationship. There was no relationship, really, other than the couple of times they came in contact with each other.

So what should the writers have done instead? How could they have made the epic romance between Lois and Clark worthy of its tradition?

  • Give us a snippet of the motivation.

The writers insulted every intelligent human in the audience by presenting us with an isolated hero, bent on learning his true identity, who suddenly and inexplicably veers from that path, even if only for a moment. They needed to have included purpose for that deviation. Motivation, people. It’s called motivation. And what motivated Clark to reveal himself to Lois? What motivated him to suddenly have this faux-romantic connection with her? What motivated him to allow her to accompany him up to space to be on a Kryptonian ship????? And what about Lois’ motivation?? We know why Clark is motivated to find his true identity, but the rest of it left me scratching my head.

  • Instead of angering me by forcing a kiss between Lois and Clark too soon, the writers should have built the tension with mystery and internal conflict.

Clark has enough internal conflict going on, hence the reason why I can’t buy that he has time to be romantic about anything. Lois, however, is an underdeveloped character emotionally. We know next to nothing about her motivation, and thus her internal conflict about Clark/Superman. The fact that Clark reveals his true identity to her so quickly brings up more questions than answers. And it takes away the fun.

  • Use the physical, but not too much too soon.  Superman-and-Lois-Lane-in-Man-of-Steel

Lingering looks. Accidental touches. Superman could have saved her from the airplane, placed her tenderly on the ground, swept the hair back from her face and asked if she was okay with gentle, heroic concern in those baby-blue eyes, and every woman in the audience would have swooned. A non-kiss would have been 100 times more romantic.

  • Build an emotional connection through the external conflict.

Man of Steel skims the surface so much that we can only assume that Lois is attracted to Clark for two reasons– 1) he has powers 2) he is hot. In all the other Superman movies, Lois and Superman have an emotional connection. Where was that here??? Shared experiences bond people. And the destruction of Metropolis, Smallville, and the alien race of Kryptonians was definitely a shared experience. Why not play up that bond rather than force a kiss where it just seems ridiculous?

I loved the closing scene of the movie where, for the first time, we see Clark in his signature glasses, ready to start his job at the Daily Planet. But knowing that Lois already knows his true identity and that they have already shared a kiss, well, it leaves me not really caring what happens to them should there be a sequel. (I wish, more than anything, that they had saved the kiss for the next movie.)

The will-they-won’t-they tension is fun when you know they will, because it becomes when-will-they.

Now that they have, what’s the point?

Share with me: Have you seen Man of Steel? What are your thoughts on how the movie portrayed the relationship between Clark and Lois? How do you feel when the romance moves too quickly in a story?

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Filed under Just For Fun, Romance, Writing