Tag Archives: parenting

December 13, 2012 · 6:00 am

Keeping Your Naughty Kids on the Nice List

Before we begin, a little housekeeping. Congratulations to Tiffani Hughes! You are the winner of Accidentally Amish by Olivia Newport! Email me asap with your contact info so that you can get your book. Thanks!

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I don’t know about yours, but I think my kids have gone nuts.

Something about twinkling colored lights, Christmas music, and the excitement of Santa on the air has made them turn into…crazy people. And right here at the time of year when they are supposed to be on their “best” behavior!

Several other moms have recently mentioned to me that it seems the number of discipline problems they are facing has gone up lately, too.

Some want to blame excitement. Others want to blame the moon. Still some want to just say “it’s that time of year…”

I think it’s a combination of all those things and more, so I came up with this little list of things we can do as parents to make sure these kids stay on the nice list.

1. Don’t use Santa as a behavior deterrent.

I’ve done it before– said, “Santa is watching you.” But I realized a while back that this is not a good thing to tell them. Why? Because I don’t want my children correcting their behavior just because they want toys. No, I want them to correct their behavior because they are convicted of their sin. That might seem a little deep to you, but raising children is a year-round job, so using Santa as a deterrent is only a temporary fix, and does nothing to correct the heart– where the root of the problem lies. Instead of talking about Santa, my husband and I remind them of our expectations for their behavior and of God’s. We want them to learn to do what’s right because it’s in their hearts, which is part of the Christmas spirit anyway.

2. Don’t give into the idea that punishments can be delayed because “it’s Christmas.”

This is my favorite time of year. I love it. I want to enjoy it and I want my kids to enjoy it. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to get wrapped up in the ambiance of the happiness of the season and slack off on discipline and punishments. We’re all tempted to do it, I know, especially when a child’s punishment impedes on our fun.

I’ll never forget the Christmas when I was about 7 or 8 years old and we celebrated with my grandparents at their house in North Carolina. My sister got this little plastic key-chain, and for some reason, I wanted it. I wasn’t happy with anything else I’d gotten, and my jealousy and covetousness came out u.g.l.y. My mom sent me upstairs, away from the rest of the family. I was banned from Christmas until I could get rid of my jealous heart. It wasn’t until that moment that I understood what jealousy was and how it could be so ugly. When I got myself under control and rejoined Christmas, I had a new perspective of gratefulness for what I had received. My mom took a hard line with me that morning and could easily have let my behavior go because “it was Christmas” and because sending me away from the family celebration wasn’t ideal. It hurt and embarrassed my parents and made for some awkward moments. But it taught me a life-long lesson, one I have never EVER forgotten.

3. Stick to it.

Anyone else like to blur their eyes when looking at the Christmas tree?

If you issue a warning, follow through. Even at Christmas. Even if it means that some of the “Christmas Spirit” is lost from your house temporarily. Children need consistency, even during the holidays.

4. Make sure your kiddos are getting enough sleep.

Just think about how stressed and tired you can get during the holidays–now transfer that to their little bodies! In the hustle and bustle of this busy season, it’s very easy to let naps slide or push back bedtimes. Since lack of sleep can be a direct factor in behavior, make sure your kids are getting enough sleep during this holiday season. A little nap here and there can be good for you, too!

5. Have some fun.

Make memories with your children this year. Enjoy their excitement and the magic of the season by being involved. Don’t let that same old hustle and bustle keep you so busy that you miss opportunities to make life-long memories. After all, you’ll only celebrate this year’s Christmas once! Get messy in the kitchen with some Christmas cookies. Let your kids help wrap the presents and don’t worry that the bows are lopsided and tape is showing. Watch those Christmas specials you’ve outgrown, just because they’re part of your childhood.

Let your kids enjoy the season by seeing the magic and majesty of Christ’s birth in you!

Merry Christmas, all! 🙂

Share with me: What tips can you offer for keeping both kids and parents sane during this holiday season?

5 Comments

Filed under Parenting

Tagged as behavior, children, Christmas, discipline, parenting

December 10, 2012 · 6:00 am

Lessons I Want My Children to Learn: Commitment

Today’s world makes it really easy to raise a total flake. Promises aren’t worth their weight in salt, and commitment means “I’ll do this until I find something I like better.” People just don’t follow through anymore.

I want to raise the kind of men who believe that their word means something.

The kind of guys from old movies– those who say what they mean and mean what they say and offer a handshake to seal the deal.

When they commit to an event, a group, a job, a person–I want my sons to understand just exactly what that means and how to follow through, if for no other reason than because they said they would.

2012 has been a tough year for some members of our family. Sadly, a couple of close family members are going through divorces, and it has become necessary for us to explain this to our children.

And as our boys grow and interact with more and more children their age who come from broken homes, or they ask questions like “Why is so-and-so not in our family anymore?”, it breaks my heart.

My husband and I have made it an important part of our family mission to have our children understand that while others may get divorced, divorce is painful and it is, in short, simply not an option for us.

We’re faaaaaaaar from being perfect parents, but this past year especially has shown us how important it is to teach our children about commitment, even to each other.

Thankfully I’m married to a man who vowed, even before we were married, that once we said “I do”, that was it– there’s no way out (except murder, he adds jokingly).

My husband comes from a broken home. His parents divorced when he was in college, just before he and I met. Because he was older and able to understand all of the circumstances and choices that led to his parents’ divorce, he was convicted to take his marriage vows seriously in this world where more than 50% of couples, even godly, Christian couples, divorce.

I am so lucky and blessed to be married to him. Even on our most difficult marriage days, I know that the end-game for both of us is to work through any issues instead of simply calling it quits. It’s a very comforting feeling to know that your spouse is in it for the long-haul, no matter what. (And we all know that in a marriage, sometimes that “what” can get a little cray-zay.)

My husband is also a wonderful example of commitment in doing what he says he’s going to do. Even to a fault.

There have been times when he’s sick or busy, but he’ll go out of his way to complete a task, meet with someone, or deliver something if he told someone he would. He’s very much a believer of “my word is my bond.”

Sometimes it drives me nuts because following through on his “word” can be very inconvenient for me, but I wouldn’t change him. I’ve had people tell me, “your husband is the kind of guy I can count on.”

Who wouldn’t be proud of being married to a guy like that?

He’s setting the example for our sons. He’s showing them how to say what you mean and mean what you say. And most of all, he’s a living, breathing example of commitment to his spouse and to his Lord.

We want our sons to be committed to Christ. We want them to understand the seriousness of a daily commitment of walking with the Lord. We want them to know that we realize how difficult it can be to follow through in this world of “do whatever feels good”, yet how rewarding and joyous it is when we hold fast to the Lord.

We want our sons to make commitments that are unwavering because it’s the right thing to do.

So when our kids ask to be put on a sports team, commit to being in a club, make a promise to someone or set a goal for themselves, we want to support them in their follow-through.

This is just one of the lessons we pray will create men of faith and character.

Share with me: Besides your marriage or your Christian walk, what was your biggest commitment of 2012? Did you meet your goal? Will you be committing to anything new in 2013?

15 Comments

Filed under Marriage, Parenting

Tagged as commitment, divorce, marriage, parenting

May 28, 2012 · 6:00 am

Lessons I Want My Children to Learn: Patriotism

Do you know the difference between Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day? Other than one is in May and one is in November, I mean. 🙂

When I was teaching high school history, I always made it a point to teach the origins behind these important days.

Memorial Day, as the name suggests, is the US national holiday in which we remember and honor those who have fallen in service to our great nation.

It began during the Civil War as Decoration Day, when women would decorate the graves of the fallen soldiers with flowers and other mementos. As the years went on and the US was involved in more wars, the holiday adapted and in the late 1960’s, was officially assigned to the last Monday in May when the nation would remember all service members who had died in any war in our nation’s history.

Veteran’s Day, as the name suggests, honors all active and retired veterans of all wars in our history. This date came about from Armistice Day of WWI, (November 11, 1918, 11 am) when an armistice (cease-fire) was declared, eventually leading to the end of the war in 1919.

As time goes on, it seems that the reasons behind Memorial Day, July 4th, and Veteran’s Day have become somewhat mashed together and given Americans a reason to have a day off of work and a cookout.

I’m okay with that. I love cookouts. I love the American tradition of hotdogs and hamburgers by the pool. It’s fun. It’s America.

I’m even mostly okay with the confusion between Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day, because both honor those who have served.

I am not okay with the general public not knowing the history behind our Independence Day celebrations of July 4th. You might be surprised how many people do not have a basic understanding of this momentous day. Yeah, it’s actually different from the other two, but I’ll save that history for another post.

One of the lessons I want to instill into my children is patriotism.

I don’t believe enough people in America actually appreciate America anymore. Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost our understanding of exactly what it means to be free. We’ve lost our sense of duty–we’ve lost our sense of honor.

There was a time when young men stood up, eager to serve. Most of the teens I taught were petrified of serving in the military– the idea was laughable.

Several times I had to combat the idea that serving in the military was only for “stupid” people who couldn’t get into college.

“Do stupid people win wars?” I’d ask.

As a military brat, I have to admit, it was difficult for me to keep my cool in the classroom when this subject came up–more often than I’d like to acknowledge. (I’d like to believe people are smarter than to think the military is only for “dummies”, but alas, many are not.)

I was raised in a military home, with a tradition of military service and the idea that serving our nation was honorable, desirable, and respected.

Although my husband is not military, I want my children to grow up with this same belief.

My husband actually teaches middle school, which is another position to be greatly respected. 🙂 He definitely serves his nation, folks.

My son’s great-grandfathers served in WWII. Their grandfather (my dad) served in Desert Storm. Their uncle (my brother) is currently serving his country.

The idea that standing up for the values that America was built on, what our forefathers believed in when they drafted the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, is something to be admired.

While politics seem to continue to make a mess of the values that bore this nation, I want my sons to have an understanding of where we’ve come from, our history, our traditions, and what it really means to be an American.

I want them to believe that America is great. I want them to know it. I want them to be proud of all those who came before us, establishing this great nation. I want them to be proud to be an American.

So yes, we will be cooking out hamburgers this Memorial Day.

But we’ll also be talking about what it means to serve our country. We’ll talk about military service, an option that will be their choice someday, and we will talk about how even at their young ages, we can pray for our leaders, pray for our nation, and pray for those who have served, are serving, and for the families who love them.

Share with me: What’s your favorite thing about being an American?